A couple posts back I was talking about actors whose careers have been defined by a single line. Someone I neglected to mention was Matthew McConaughey, who has had “All right all right all right” tattooed to every performance he’s given since. If he’s winning an Oscar for the performance or doing that Christopher Nolan melodrama, it’s a tattoo he’s trying to cover up with a different and equally ostentatious tattoo. If he’s doing something more befitting his style, it’s somehow on one of his arms and on his chest. “All right all right all right” is an incredible line to have attached to you as a performer, and what McConaughey did to that line when he was in his early twenties was even better. Wooderson, who has never graduated the high school crowd in Austin, is not a cool guy, not any cooler than O’Bannion if you think about it. But that line fools you. It’s so confident that it rises to cocksure. It is enchanting, an incantation that casts a spell of completion on the people around him. What does one say to follow up “All right all right all right?”

Turns out it’s playing Dallas, a strip club owner in Tampa who has dreams of expanding to Miami, which is obviously a much sexier proposition for someone with visions of Xquisites popping up around Florida and beyond. McConaughey is not all that much older than most of the guys playing the male strippers at Xquisite; he was born in November 1969, less than ten years before Joe Manganiello and Matt Bomer and about ten years before honorary Millennial Channing Tatum. Heck, in adult years, that’s about as close as Wooderson is to Pink Floyd or Slater. Where Wooderson is mostly concerned with scamming a good time however he can scare one up, either with high school girls or marijuana (“It’d be cooler if you did!”), Dallas is not strictly seeking his own pleasure. He treats more strip clubs under his ownership with the kind of feverish desire that 1840s Democrats had for Manifest Destiny, and that’s not pleasure but business.

Dallas must definitionally concern himself with the pleasure of others, and he must do it with magic words that do the opposite of Wooderson’s. Thus this incredibly cheesy, absolutely irresistible bit of silliness that he opens up the show with. Even those of us who have not been to a strip club before (raises hand boringly/introvertingly) understand the first sentence in this quote. We know from watching movies like Exotica that the customer must not touch the sex worker. We also know to expect something said with self-knowing glee from McConaughey. “I see a lotta lawbreakers” is far from the wittiest or funniest thing that shows up on this list, but it’s unparalleled for coyness.